A Haiku Haiku
“Amusement
sentence”
Of seventeen syllables:
Words that must not rhyme
~James
Hilston, 2005
Schools Need to Start Focusing on Their Kids
Kim
Desjarlait is the step-aunt of Jeff Weise, the student who went
on a shooting rampage at his high school this week. She has the
right attitude.How can parents be expected to know their child is
hurting when they don’t spend very much time together? That’s
the school’s job, isn’t it?
“They
need to start focusing on their kids,” said Ms. Desjarlait.
Amen!
The schools need to get on the stick and pay better attention to
our children’s needs. Goodness knows, we parents are way too
busy to be bothered with these things. Also, we’re not trained
educators. Besides, that’s why we pay our taxes, right?
Ms.
Desjarlait continued: “The clues were all there. Everything
was laid out, right there, for the school or the authorities in
Red Lake to see it coming.”
You
go, girl! We parents cannot be expected to provide the education
for our children. And the development of emotional and psychological
maturity is part of that education process. You simply cannot leave
such a task in the hands of untrained parents who are as busy as
we all are. After all, that’s why we pay our taxes, isn’t
it?
“I
don't want to blame Red Lake,” said Desjarlait, “but did
they not put two and two together? This kid was crying out, and
those guys chose to ignore it.”
She’s
being too nice. Go ahead and blame Red Lake High School! They deserve
all the blame. If the teachers had been paying better attention,
instead of squandering the hard-earned contributions of tax-paying
Americans on cigarettes, this tragedy might have been averted.
Source:
Ceci Connolly and Dana Hedgpeth, Washington Post Thursday,
March 24, 2005.
Persistent Vegetative State: Day 2
Well,
it’s Day 2 since I’ve begun withholding food and water
from my wife. As you might guess, the reason I’m doing this
is because it appears that she has been in a persistent vegetative
state for quite some time. She doesn’t seem to be very responsive
or to be aware of her environment.
And
I recall her saying, about a decade ago, “If I‘m ever
in a persistent vegetative state, please withhold food and water
from me until I go ‘belly up,’ as they say.”
Basically,
I’m doing the right thing by granting her wish.
Unfortunately,
I don’t have that in writing, nor does she have a living will.
But once this Schiavo deal goes down, I’ll have a legal precedent
to bolster my case.
So
the way I figure it, she should go “belly up,” as they
say, in just a few more days, at which point I’ll collect on
that life insurance policy and take a trip.
Cancun,
baby!
By
the way, I’m taking applications for long-term babysitters.
Quasi-Blog Quasi-Apologies
I
quasi-apologize for not making this a true blog, i.e., one that
allows readers to post comments. It’s not that I’m not
interested in your comments. I’m just too lazy, and too cheap.
Too lazy to figure out how to enable readers to post comments, and
too cheap to pay for the extra-bandwidth and/or server space that
such a function might require.
At
any rate, thank you all for being loyal visitors and readers (hi
sis), and please, if you want to comment on the blog, e-mail me
at hilston@jameshilston.com, or send me an instant message via one
of the following screenanmes:
Yahoo!
Messenger
Hilston1
AOL
Instant Messenger
Roundslanteye
See
you in the ether ...
JH
“I’m
Not Going To Take Your Crap”
I
had visitors to my home this weekend. Two young (college-age) smartly
dressed gentlemen rang my door bell at around 11:30 a.m. At first
I thought it might have been a call from my Jehovah’s-Witnesses
friends. I glanced through the glass door and saw: nametags!
That got me excited. Why? Because JWs don’t wear nametags --
Mormons do! And I haven’t talked to a Mormon in years!
Since
it was a balmy spring day, I hurried and put on my shoes and a light
jacket and went outside to chat with my Mormon guests.
After
we each introduced ourselves, we stood in my yard and chatted. With
a calm, patient but deliberate tone, the more (exclusively) vocal
of the two, “Elder” Marks [not his real name], informed
me that they were missionaries of the Church of Jesus Christ. I
immediately found it noteworthy that he conveniently left out “Of
Latter Day Saints.”
‘Elder’
Marks: Do you know our Savior Jesus Christ?
Me:
Yes, I do.
‘Elder’
Marks: Do you have any questions?
Me:
Yes, I do.
I
proceeded to ask him if he believes that Joseph Smith, in the early
19th century, translated the Book of Mormon from gold tablets
of “Reformed Egyptian Heiroglyphics.” Elder Marks assured
me it was true.
I
then asked him if he was aware that a portion of 2Nephi (one of
the sections of the Book of Mormon) was lifted verbatim from
the prophet Isaiah. He affirmed this as well.
I
then pointed out that Joseph Smith’s translation of 2Nephi,
even though he translated these alleged “Reformed Egyptian
Heiroglyphics” in the early 19th century, matched verbatim
the 1611 English translation of Isaiah 14, even though it
was translated from the ancient Hebrew/Chaldee manuscripts. How
is it that a 19th-century American’s translation of “Reformed
Egyptian Heiroglyphic” plates perfectly matches the 1611 English
translation of ancient Hebrew/Chaldee manuscripts?
It
didn’t seem like this was sinking in, so I gave an example.
Me:
Suppose, 200 years ago, someone tranlsated some Polish literature
into English. Let’s further suppose someone today were to translate
that same piece of literature. Wouldn't we expect them to be different?
And what if the second source document were a different language
altogether [like “Reformed Egyptian Heiroglyphics”]? That
would further compound the differences between them, right?
Elder
Marks:
Elder
Marks’ compadre:
Finally,
I think they were starting to get what I was saying, and it was
at this point that Elder Marks hoisted himself on his own petard,
which translates to: He sacrificed rationality on the altar of blind
irrational faith.
Elder
Marks: Don’t you think God can do anything?
Me:
Sure, He can but ...
Elder
Marks: [Still using his calm and patient voice] The angel Moroni
has offered a challenge.
Here
it comes, I thought to myself, the classic Mormon ‘sincere
heart and real intent’ spiel. I also found it interesting
that he didn’t just turn to the opening page of the Book
of Mormon and read it from there. No, he had to turn to the
passage itself. Why is that?
Elder
Marks: [Reading to me, showing me the passage, and pointing
to the words with his finger] And when ye shall receive these
things, I would exhort you -- that means ‘encourage’
[Thanks, Elder] -- that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father,
in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall
ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ,
he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy
Ghost. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth
of all things.
Me:
So how will I know? Just by asking?
Elder
Marks: If you ask with a sincere heart and with real intent.
Me:
How do I ask with a sincere heart when the Bible says the human
heart is deceitful?
Elder
Marks: You have to have the desire.
Me:
Where does sincere desire come from if the human heart is deceitful
and desperately wicked (Jer 17:9)?
Elder
Marks: [Now visibly agitated] You have to have the will ...
Me:
But the Bible says the human will is unable to subject itself
to the law of God (Ro 8:7). So where does the will and the desire
come from?
Elder
Marks: Look, I’m not here to persuade you. You only need
to...
Me:
But the Bible says believers are to persuade others to come to the
truth.
Elder
Marks: Look, I don’t have to stand here and take your crap.
Me:
My cra ...?
Elder
Marks: ... All you want to do is argue and prove the Book
of Mormon wrong.
Me:
But consider this: If the Book of Mormon is truly scripture,
then the ‘challenge’ that you just read to me is unique
in all of scripture. In fact, it contradicts the very Bible that
you guys claims to uphold.
Elder
Marks: Well all you want to do is prove it wrong and you'll
never believe it if that‘s how you approach it.
Me:
Really? Then how do you explain the fact that I tried to prove the
Bible wrong as well, yet I now believe the Bible is true?
Elder
Marks: [Now in a belligerent tone] I’ll tell you what,
when you’re ready to seriously consider the teachings of the
Book of Mormon, you call me, and then you’ll be pricked in
your conscience and you will see.
Me:
How about this: You don’t come back here until you’re
willing to give serious consideration to rationality and what the
Bible actually teaches.
Elder
Marks: [Now walking away] Don’t worry, I won’t be
back.
In
summary, the Mormons have on their hands a huge, glaring anachronism
and incoherence. I once heard a literary critic talk about anachronisms
in by using the analogy of finding a reference to Sputnik
in writings that allegedly predate the existence of the word. To
me, this problem is a giant Sputnik for the Mormons.
The
following is an especially fitting quote in light of the above:
“If
you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if
you really make them think, they'll hate you.” ~ Don Marquis,
American humorist (1878 - 1937)
*2Nephi
14:14-24 was lifted verbatim from the King James 1611 translation
of Isa 4:4-14.
“At 70 you are still a child, at 80 a young man or woman. And
if at 90 someone from Heaven invites you over, tell him: ‘Just
go away, and come back when I am 100.’” ~ From an old
Okinawan saying carved into a stone marker facing the sea, on the
outskirts of Ogimi, Okinawa.
Who
is the Real McCoy?
I've
met him. He has a thick Scottish accent.
Me:
Apparently you must think you're the real McCoy.
McCoy:
Aye, that's right, laddie. And doon't ye forget it!
Me:
McCoy:
And wipe that styoooopid grin off your face. It's indicative
of a wee mind.
Anytime
Phrase™ #111
“How
much for the little girl? How much for your wife?”
-- John Belushi, The Blues Brothers, 1980
Out
of the Mouths of Babes
I
was reminded the other day of something my oldest son would say
when he was a toddler. At the time he was still trying to get the
knack of spoken language and would sometimes use somewhat awkward
words together in his efforts to communicate. One of his attempts,
when asked to do something that he didn’t want to do, would
come out like this:
I can’t
want to.
I
found it amusing--and still do, apparently--how true his statement
was with regard to the theological tenet of human inability. Not
only is the carnal, unregenerated mind unable to submit to divine
law, it cannot desire this in and of itself. It can’t want
to (Ro 8:7).
Why
Magicians Suck: Reason #1
Unfunny “Patter”
Magician:
Please choose a card.
Spectator
chooses card.
Magician:
Would you like to keep that card, or would you like to change
your mind?
Spectator
looks at card; shakes head.
Spectator:
No.
Magician:
Oh, you want to keep the mind you’ve got?
Spectator:
