The New “Black”
What’s
the new "black"? The phrase itself is the new black. It
has wide application. It goes with everything. Try it.
Hapless
victim #1: I like rice. You can eat it with lots of different
stuff.
Me:
It's the new 'black'.
Or
...
Hapless
victim #2: WD40™ is so useful. I put it on everything.
Me:
It's the new 'black.'
Or
...
Hapless
victim #4 (I skipped one. It wasn't very good): I hear you can
use Splenda® for baking, too.
Me:
It's the new 'black.'
You
get the idea. Now go out there and do me proud.
This Just In: Liver Update
A
lot of people (most of whom do not visit this web site) have asked
about the liver situation, and it truly means a lot to me that they've
expressed concern. For the sake of those I've not been able to talk
to, or the dozens of strangers I've never met (you know who you
are) that are mildly curious, here is a brief update.
I
got the call from my doctor a few days ago (actually, his assistant
-- and I apologize for the delay in getting this posted -- I am
easily distracted, you know). They want to put me on Ursodiol, one
250 mg pill, twice a day, "If you're agreeable to it,"
she says in a friendly voice.
I'm
sure there's a black mark in my file that says, "Hostile, combative."
Me:
But I was able to get my enzyme levels down with diet and exercise.
Physician's
assistant: Well, they weren't that low.
Me:
Maybe they're continuing to drop. Can't I try to control this
without medication?
PA:
But sometimes people reach a plateau and they need the medication
to get past that.
Me:
I'd at least want to know that I've hit a plateau first before I
go on the Ursodiol.
Of
course, this all translates to: "No, I'm not
agreeable to it."
She
was very nice about it and said to go ahead and continue what I've
been doing and we'd have a look at my bloodwork again in August.
It's
still a mystery why I have a liver disease that is normally associated
with those who are either diabetic or obese or both, and I'm neither.
Nor is there a history of either condition in my family, on either
side, go figure.
The
prognosis for non-alcoholic steatohepatitis is that 10%-15% (if
I recall correctly) of cases will advance to cirrhosis. So I'm doing
what I can to make sure I don't end up contributing to that statistic.
Thanks
to everyone who has asked about this. To those who don't give a
rip, I apologize for using valuable blog space for this stuff.
Now,
back to the regularly scheduled cynicism.
Keep
on rocking in the freeworld.
The Secret To My Lack Of Success
Sometimes
people say to me, “You're so smart. Practically a genius. Why
aren't you more successful?”
It's
a legitimate question. With my brains and good looks, there must
be some kind of explanation that accounts for my lack of
success. To
what can I attribute my falling so short of my potential? Is it
laziness? Lack of motivation? Lack of resources? I've wondered this
myself for years, but now I think I finally have the answer and
it is this: A
lack of Finnish-Okinawan role models.
As
an U.S.-born Finnish-Okinawan, to whom could I look for the inspiration,
the motivation and the exemplar that would elevate me from my humble
birth and roots? Where are my role models?
African-Americans have such examples as Frederick Douglass (abolitionist,
journalist), Thurgood Marshall (supreme court justice), Jesse Jackson
(civil rights advocate), Denzel Washington (Oscar Award winning
actor), Halle Berry (Oscar Award winning actress), Sean "Puffy"
Combs (music producer), Randy Jackson (American Idol judge, dawg!)
and Dave Matthews (African-born singer-songwriter, environmentalist).
The
Hispanics have Cesar Chavez (labor leader), Jose Canseco (baseball
player), Marc Anthony (singer), Antonio Banderas (actor), Oscar
De La Hoya (boxer), John Leguizamo (actor-comedian), Ricky Martin
(intellectual and specialist in ballistics), Linda Rondstadt (political
pundit) and Christina Aguilera (humanitarian).
Those
of Asian heritage have as their role models Bruce Lee (martial arts
actor), Jackie Chan (martial arts actor), Jet Li (martial arts actor),
Donnie Yen (martial arts actor) and of course, the Asian
Prince, Wo-Hen Nankan (Renaissance and ladies man).
The
astute reader will no doubt recognize the predominance of martial
arts actors in the list of Asian role models. There can only be
so many martial arts actors and, let's face it, martial arts are
hard. Clearly, this accounts for the widespread underachievement
amongst Asians, since most do not have the wherewithal to become
such experts in martial arts (let alone acting!) -- and they can
simply forget about coming anywhere near the glorious success of
the Asian Prince. Most Asians who strive to succeed by emulating
these role models are eventually discouraged by this insurmountable
challenge and end up depending on welfare, or joining gangs and
dealing drugs.
After
40 years of searching, my life-long quest for a Finnish-Okinawan
role model came up empty, so I decided I might do better if I broadened
my search and focused on role models of only Okinawan descent.
Paydirt!
Well,
sort of. There's Mr. Miyagi of the Karate Kid movie and its sequels,
an Okinawan played by Pat Morita. But he was a fictional character.
There's
also Hattori Hanzo, the famous Samurai sword craftsman of Quentin
Tarantino's Kill Bill movies. But he, too, despite the factual historicity
of the figure (1541-1596), was a fictional character. And guess
what? They're both martial arts experts.
So
that's about it. Despite the obvious challenge, I'm still considering
whether or not I should try to emulate these fictional martial arts
experts as my role models. It's either that or go back to drug dealing,
gang-banging and food stamps.
Favorite Movie Quotes
“My
father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you
know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only
a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total
amazement.”
~
Patricia, from “Joe Versus The Volcano”, 1990
Fixed Blog Links ...
There
were some nasty gaps and busted links in the Blog Archive (below
center), the fixing of which took a good part of my weekend.
Also,
I added several pieces of art to the illustrations portion of the
Art section of the site.
“Shiny,
happy people holding hands.” -- REM
How To Get A Receipt For A Tax-deductible Donation That You Haven't
Made -- Yet
The
following is an actual telephone conversation that happened just
minutes ago between me and a fund-raiser from the Kid's Wish Network
-- as best as I can remember it.
Me:
Hilstons' residence.
KWN
representative: Good morning. My name is _(I don't remember
his name)_ of the Kid's Wish Network. This call may be monitored
for quality control. Is this Mr. Hilston?
Me:
(sigh) Yes.
KWN representative: Mr. Hilston, I'm calling in behalf of
Kids Wish Network. Kid's Wish Network fulfills the wishes of children
ages 3 to 18 suffering with life-threatening medical conditions.
Our dedicated staff and volunteers infuse much-needed joy into sick
children's lives by challenging their imaginations and then transforming
their wishes from far-fetched fantasy to smile-inducing reality.
We create once-in-a-lifetime experiences that turn moments into
long-lasting precious memories. May we send you a pledge card for
a tax-deductible gift of $25?
Me:
That's all you're asking for is permission to send me a pledge
card?
KWN
representative: Yes sir.
Me:
OK. Sure, just send it.
KWN
representative: I just need to verify your address. Once I have
verified your address, we will send you the pledge card, an information
packet, a self-addressed stamped envelope to send your gift, and
a tax receipt for your tax deductible gift of $25.
Me:
Wait -- you're sending me a receipt?
KWN
representative: A tax receipt, sir.
Me:
But I haven't given you anything yet. How can you send me a
receipt?
KWN
representative: It is a tax receipt for your records, Mr. Hilston.
Me:
But I would turn this over to the government as a tax write-off,
right?
KWN
representative: Yes, sir.
Me:
But I haven't given you anything yet.
KWN
representative: We are a non-profit organization and your gift
of $25 is a tax-deductible donation.
Me:
I understand, but I haven't given you anything yet.
KWN
representative: Yes, sir. We will send you a pledge card and
a self-addressed stamped envelope for you to send back your gift.
Me:
I understand, but what is to keep me from using the tax receipt
for a tax write-off even though I didn't send you any money?
KWN
representative:
Me:
It's backward. You're supposed to send the receipt after
I've sent you the money, right?
KWN
representative:
Me:
Isn't that the way it's supposed to work?
KWN
representative:
Me:
Why would you send a receipt if you haven't gotten the money
yet?
KWN
representative: Well, this is how all non-profit organizations
do this.
Me:
OK. Then send me the pledge card.
KWN
representative: OK, I just need to verify ...
Me:
Do you want me to just tell you my address?
KWN
representative: Yes, sir. I'm putting you down for a commitment
of $25 for ...
Me:
Wait a second. Now you're asking me for a commitment?
KWN
representative: Yes, sir.
Me:
I'm not making a commitment. I don't make commitments over the
phone.
KWN
representative: Yes, sir. Thank you very much for your time.
Have a nice day.
Me:
K. Bye.
