Hockey Mom with Nuclear Codes

Here's the transcript of Matt Damon's monologue about Sarah Palin:

"I think there's a really good chance that Sarah Palin could be president. And I think that's a really scary thing, 'cause I don't anything about her. I don't think in eight weeks I'm going to know anything about her. I know that she was a mayor of a really *really* small town. And she's governor of Alaska for less than two years. I just don't understand. I think the pick was made for political purposes, but in terms of governance, it's a disaster.

"You do the actuary [sic] tables, you know, there's a one-out-of-three chance, if not more, that McCain doesn't survive his first term, and it'll be President Palin ... and it's like a really bad Disney movie. You know, the hockey mom, you know, 'Oh, I'm just a hockey mom from Alaska,' and she's the president. And it's like, she's facing down Vladimir Putin, and you know, using the folksy stuff she learned at the hockey rink, you know. It's absurd. It's totally absurd and I don't understand why more people aren't talking about how absurd it is. It's a really terrifying possibility. The fact that we've gotten this far, and we're that close to this being a reality is crazy. Crazy.

"I mean, I need to know if she really thinks dinosaurs were here four thousand years ago. That's an important -- I want to know that; I really do -- because she's going to have the nuclear codes. You know. I want to know if she thinks dinosaurs were here four thousand years ago, or if she banned books or tried to ban books. We can't have that."

Here's my modified version of the Damon's monologue

"I think there's a really good chance that Barack Obama could be president. And I think that's a really scary thing, 'cause I don't anything about his actual accomplishments. I don't think in eight weeks I'm going to know anything about him. I know that he was a community organizer. And he's a junior senator who has spent most of his term running for president. I just don't understand. I think his nomination is the result of media manipulation, but in terms of governance, it's a disaster.

"If you consider his background and the absence of actual accomplishments, it's like a really bad Disney movie. You know, the community organizer, you know, 'Oh, I'm just a community organizer from Illinois,' and he's the president. And it's like, he's facing down Vladimir Putin, and you know, using the folksy stuff he learned as a community organizer, you know. It's absurd. It's totally absurd and I don't understand why more people aren't talking about how absurd it is. It's a really terrifying possibility. The fact that we've gotten this far, and we're that close to this being a reality is crazy. Crazy.

"I mean, I need to know if he really thinks it's above his pay grade to answer the question of when a baby gets human rights. That's an important -- I want to know that; I really do -- because he's going to have the nuclear codes. You know. I want to know if he thinks the question is above his pay grade, or if he approves of sex education for kindergartners. We can't have that."